Happy November!  I love this month!  Of course I know we should be thankful all the time, and have a gracious heart, but this is the month where we really get to focus on our gratitude.  Doing this helps every other part of me feel alive.  If ever I lose motivation, I can turn my mind to all the amazing blessings I have and think about what I am most grateful for and my listlessness melts away.  

I woke up November 1st and the world had changed to a vibrant collage of reds, yellows and oranges.  Nature finally decided to was fall, and it took my breath away.

November 1st is also my wedding anniversary.  Expressing gratitude for my amazing husband is the perfect beginning to my month.  He is my best friend.  He is my consoler and my supporter.  He is my constant entertainment and adventure buddy.  Happy Anniversary, Stephen!  What a wonderful time to be alive and in love!

Now, for this entry, it may seem like airing more dirty laundry than I normally like to publicly, but even when you love the people you work with, sometimes there are issues.  Let’s make this clear.  Missionaries aren’t perfect.  They are human.  They are young.  They are still learning, as are we all.  Luckily, we have people to help and support us at all stages in our lives and in all of our callings.  That is what life is all about.  standing up, falling, standing up, and falling again.  Sometimes we’re the ones falling down, sometimes the ones standing up, and sometimes we’re the ones on the sidelines giving a helping hand.

4 Nov 1995

The wind is blowing so hard right now.  It was all night too. I woke up about five times last night.  Not to mention, I had the hardest time falling asleep.

Yesterday was a pretty cool day.  It started out with a leadership training district meeting, which was really a huge resolve concerns thing, which Elder Fryer taught very well.  However, the sisters were really the only ones speaking and contributing much. I’m sure the elders caught the hint. I just didn’t know why the elders wouldn’t say anything.  Anyway, we were working to find a goal that would help us resolve our concerns. The final goal was to have more dignity and then we will check on our progress at correlation on Sunday. The only problem to me was that it sounded very one sided, and I didn’t really know how the elders felt about everything.  But, I know after I felt very weird in the room with the sisters because it seemed like a holier than thou session, hoping the elders caught onto everything that was said. Given, I haven’t always been an angel, but really I think the elders get talked about way too much, and boy did I realize that last night.  I got a call from Elder Clawson trying to help me with my discussions. He gave me the idea that he used to finish his. So, we got talking and he asked how I liked the meeting that morning. I told him I thought it was pretty cool, and Elder Fryer did a great job. Then he told me how he felt, and the reason why he didn’t say it during the meeting.  In other words, I got a huge glimpse of Elder Clawson, and I felt awful. He really feels unliked, and uncomfortable here, and especially with the sisters. There’s no trust on either side. I can see why. He told me that Marko, who was his investigator at the time, would sit him down and tell him the solutions to his problems, the he and the sisters had worked out for him.  Man, I feel so bad. I wish, if we all had a problem with each other, that we could just go to them and talk. Not many people have the courage for that, though. Instead it just gets back to people through investigators?! That is so uncool! Okay, so all of the sudden I have the trust, or so I think, of this elder that really doesn’t trust anyone, and I don’t know what to do.  I’m just as guilty as everyone, maybe more so because I know what’s going on, know it’s wrong, and don’t do anything about it. Problem is, I don’t know what to say or do. This is crazy. I’ll try to bring it up with the sisters today, but I already know it will cause a fight between me and my companion. She almost bit my head off last night for being on the phone. I know it was 10:40, when I got off, and that’s 10 minutes past bedtime, but I don’t know which is the higher law.  This elder is finally opening up and I stop him mid sentence and say sorry, it’s late and I have to get to bed. I hope I haven’t lost what little trust I had gained. All of this after a day of being dogged three times for appointments and Sister Purser getting a package in the mail full of hygiene supplies; not even a letter or note inside.

It’s still today, 5:15.  We’re just home to get some warm clothes on, and get some pamphlets to sing tonight and begin our fast.  I am totally decked out in a winter coat, gloves, and scarf. I’ve never really worn a scarf before. Actually, it’s kind of hard to write with gloves on.

We spent all day working on a musical fireside, trying to come up with ideas and putting them together.  It’s going to be so cool! It’s all about the life of Christ. We’re trying to rent a hall for it. I hope we can.

It’s weird, our program is just kind of dwindling.  We’ve done tons of sifting from streetboard referrals, and check ups on our referrals, and they’re not turning into much, so we need something to catch more people’s attention, especially since it’s now too cold to do street boards.